"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"It does if you throw a grenade at it."

Besides eating everything that didn't stay still at Yountville's Bistro Jeanty, making that joke about my survival skills was probably the best thing to come out of my tandem-traveling-in-silent-contempt through California's rustically aristocratic Napa Valley.

Does California look like a movie set, or do movie sets look like California?

Napa has wine. That's good.

The catacombs of Jarvis Vineyards.

It also has shops targeting the bougie-and-buzzed perimenopausal set, vending fur vests and artfully-distressed jeans that I came to call "cougar pelts."

That was also good.

So was this sign:

Tom's gonna Tom, y'all.

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